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Perfectly
Good Shoes
It
started with a pair of desert boots I begged for seventh grade
Christmas that arrived weeks after everyone stopped wearing
them. I know. I was spoiled. A billion people in
China were desert-bootless-- I didn't care. My mother
started wearing them around the house, then for short trips
to town.
Soon she added my discarded denim bell bottoms
with red pinstripes, my leather belt with the dancing bears
buckle. My teen years were haunted by mismatched
versions of my old selves-- my mother's pale, smiling face
perched on top. I tried hiding my old clothes at school,
but she found them. I gave them to Goodwill
but she
bought them. Even after I moved out, married, had children,
I never knew what mishmash of my old tie-dyed T-shirts, disco
shoes, madras shorts or wide-collared floral shirts would
show up at Christmas or Fourth of July along with news of
more successful classmates and clip ped obits of neighbors I
never knew I'd known.
I soak my old clothes in gasoline
now; burn them on the darkest night of the month while I
strip naked and howl. For a moment I am free.
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After
Dinner One August
We
found the dinosaur bones in the swamp behind Alec's house. The
first bones, they must have been forelegs, made great
swords, clacking sharply with each collision, whistling when
swung overhead.
The skull, almost intact and big enough
for Alec to crawl inside, echoed to his chants I
am the dinosaur's brain
while Felix and I laughed. The ribs, after a little digging,
rose out of the muck like a giant claw ringing sharply in the
twilight when Felix banged them with the foreleg.
Alec
rapped the skull with small stones and I blew into a
horn-shaped skin (it must have been a claw). The moon rose and
clouds blew off the black, black sky.
Alec bellowed and we
hooted and cawed until Alec's mom yelled from atop the stone
wall at the edge of his yard: Hey!
and
silence draped the night like a magician's cape.
How
would you like it,
she said if
dinosaurs dug up your bones and started playing with them?
I thought
if
I threw the claw like a dagger, I could take out her-- but I lost
my nerve. Now,
she
said, start
burying them. When I get back I want everything as it was.
She jumped off the wall, disappeared into the darkness and we
went to work.
Hail began to rain on us, tinging off the
bones, dinging off our heads. By the time we'd finished
and rushed inside, a layer of mini white meteors covered
everything. I moved that spring. When I drove back
years later they were gone: Alec, the house, the swamp, the
bones.
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Bang
(as in Big)
Cavers claim to know the ping and groan of Rock, the hundred
names for black, claim to be the true ridge-walkers, clay
waders, seasoned troglodites. They bicker with
spelunkers, pristine compass clutchers blue-jeaned neophytes.
They ridicule those Latinate dilettantes, ill-equipped tumblers,
underground jaunters, wakening bats from afternoon batnaps.
But
neither digs deep enough, these surface-dwelling posers separated
by slivers of shadowed hours and gear pedigree. When I
grab lamp and rope and slide down fissured rock, past
stratified sand stone, lime stone, slate, through worm-holed
stalactite caverns, gold-veined grottos, dark rivers of
silt, past basalt and granite, I shed my headlamp, jungle
boots, mud-caked coveralls. Brow stretches as
cerebellum shrinks; body hair sprouts; nails curl to claw. I
grip rock as flesh, gnaw on petrified remains of prehistoric
beasts, crawl down crevices of adamant and scoria to
sub-subterranean terra-cotta sea where cool becomes radiant
orange, darkness opens to molten core and I dive in, swimming
web-fingered, lava-gilled until liquid thins to swirling gas.
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